I did not grow up in a “dog” household. We had a few cats during my childhood, but we never had dogs. I never understood why people acted like their dogs were their kids. I never understood why people would spend thousands of dollars on their dogs. They are just dogs, for goodness sake! My husband, however, grew up around dogs and had dogs throughout his adult life. He finds owning a dog (or dogs) virtually essential to his life. When we got together, his dogs were resid

Doctors found a large tumor in my daughter’s neck a few weeks ago. There’s no way to say that but to say it, and to say that as you read this, please read knowing that it colors every word I type to you now, it narrows the breath I draw from the room. My daughter. My daughter. My baby. Friends. I’m going to need to talk to you about another person’s baby today, too. Soon. Six months ago, I lifted my daughter’s face to kiss her goodbye for school. Her lymph node seemed swollen

I live in California, which was the first state to require all residents to shelter-in-place. We’ve been under this condition since March 19, 2020. I’ve heard and read about the negative aspects of shelter-in-place. While my family and I are experiencing some less-than-awesome parts of this situation, I can’t say it’s been completely awful. Overall, our family has really pulled together. We are more kind to each other than in times past, we have family dinners together e

Content Warning: language, child abuse, suicidal thoughts Five years ago, at nearly thirty years old, I ended my relationship with my mother. It was a choice, my choice, except for all the ways it wasn’t. I know the usual admonishments. Life is too short, forgive and forget, cherish your mother while you have her. But I have never had a mother. I remember standing in the Hallmark store in my early twenties, pulling my empty stroller with one hand and bouncing my increasingly

I’ve written about many of the relationships in my life. I’ve written about my husband, my ex-husband, my husband’s ex-wife, my teenage daughter, etc. One relationship that I haven’t written about is what may be the most complicated that I’m in – the relationship between me and my mother. I’m the oldest of four children. My parents got married at the age of 19, when they found out they were expecting me. I figured this out when I was approximately 10 years old (when I no

If you’ve been reading my blog posts, you know that I recently got married for the second (final) time. I was 28 the first time I got married, and I had just turned 46 when I was married again. When I married my first husband, we had been a couple for almost 8 years. We had been living together for almost 7 of those years. We had two children together. Neither of us had been previously married. I was the one who wanted to get married. When we first moved in together, he

A few minutes before it was time for our grand entrance, the DJ had us go upstairs so that we could have a few minutes to be alone while the coordinator got the guests situated in the ballroom for dinner. It was nice to have a few moments of quiet. Then, we went back downstairs after the guests were in their seats in the ballroom. The wedding coordinator lined us up, and the DJ started introducing the parents and wedding party to “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen. David selecte

A few minutes before 5:00 p.m., the wedding coordinator told me it was time to get lined up for the processional. My heart started pounding with excitement. My dad and I were at the top of the stairs, and the first processional song started (“A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri; this is the song I selected for the parents, siblings, my BFF, and my closest aunts/uncles). I immediately started tearing up. I was so happy I could barely stand it! We walked down the stairs,

The photographer’s assistant came to get me because David and I were doing a “first look” so that we could take pix before the wedding started. We wanted to be able to enjoy our cocktail hour instead of spending the entire time taking pictures. There was a balcony outside our room that you accessed by walking down the hall between our room and the room my middle son was staying in, and they had David standing on the balcony with the photographer several yards away to get th

Well, I finally did it. I got married to the love of my life! Most everything was incredible, a couple of things sucked, and of course I’m going to write about them all. My middle son and his wife flew in from Missouri on Sunday, December 29, 2019. Their visit is why we got married in a January, even though the weather is typically awful. We wanted them to be there, and they had already announced a December/January visit. My daughter-in-law is a cake decorator by trade, s

I started writing this on December 25, 2019, which started the single digit countdown for the wedding. But I’m not getting it finished until December 26, 2019, so now it’s only eight days until the wedding. We got engaged on March 31, 2019. In some ways, it seems like the time has flown by. In other ways, though, it seems like we’ve been engaged for years. Maybe this is because we’ve been a couple for years. I’m virtually done with everything. We had the final planning m

Today – December 9, 2019 – marks the 25-day point before the wedding. I’m getting married in a mere 25 days! I’m close to being finished with the preparations. As I wrote in a previous blog post, the decorations are all made, boxed, and labeled. We submitted the play list to the DJ (and no, I did not change my “down the aisle” song again!), I emailed the cake baker to confirm to flavors and decoration style, etc. One of the biggest challenges over the last week or so is ge

WARNING: This post contains explicit language and sexual content. Another test for the strength of a relationship is the possibility of significant illness or medical issues for you or your partner. I’ve had two “real” adult relationships. I had a significant surgery in one of them and faced significant illness in the other. However, I had two very different outcomes. When I was with my ex-husband, I developed a golf ball-sized fibroid tumor in my uterus. It was not canc

If you ever want to test the strength of your relationship, try remodeling or renovating a room together. Better yet, make sure that remodel includes building a piece of IKEA furniture. Our daughter (Elizabeth from previous blogs) just turned 13 a few days ago. The thing she requested for her birthday was that her room be remodeled/redecorated in a 1980s theme. This remodel included repairing damaged bedroom walls (how can one kid cause so much damage in less than four years?

There are “big” things I love about my fiance’ David. He is pretty calm and soothing, he’s hilarious, and he strives to be a good man and father. There are other “big” things, but what I am writing about today are all the “little things” that I love about him. We were going for a Sunday drive yesterday, and I stared at our arms for a few minutes. I love the way our arms look together when they are side by side. His is big and manly, with dark hairs, and mine is a bit smal

In a previous blog, I wrote about being on anti-depressants. What I didn’t say is that anti-depressants can be a gigantic buzz kill on your sex life. I’ve always had a very strong sex drive. I love sex – thinking about it, doing it, talking about it, etc. At one point, in my first marriage, I thought that my sex drive was dwindling. I didn’t think about sex, I did almost anything to get out of having sex, etc. My doctor sent me in for lab work to see if there was a physical r

I woke up this morning in a hotel room, on a work trip, and realized something. Today is October 3, 2019. This means something to me – I have three months from today before I marry David! It seems like the day we got engaged – March 31, 2019 – was so long ago, but also as if it was yesterday. We set our wedding date – January 3, 2020, - on the day we got engaged. It seemed like our wedding date was so far away, but as of today, we only have three months before our wedding day

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about how getting old sucks. To be fair, though, there are parts of getting older that are totally awesome. I’m going to write about those things in this post. For one thing, I’m settled in my career. I’ve been with the Federal Government for over 25 years, and I have established myself as a well-respected expert in my field. I have a solid reputation. People seek out my opinion. When I started out, I was only 20 years old and tended to be dismi

It’s days like these when every failure seems amplified. When new disappointments spur old hurts and old hurts seem to last forever. It’s in this darkness that I feel the most vulnerable; even childlike. Because I know I am supposed to be able to reach down and find gratitude, I instinctively pull in the other direction. Instead I want solitude. I want to stomp my feet like a four-year old and have a temper tantrum. I want to scream a raging scream and ugly cry until I feel s

I’ve always known that the aging process would not be all rainbows and lollipops. I know that as you age, you start looking older, may start having some health problems, etc., but damn. I was not prepared for all that aging has brought me so far! For example: A few months ago, I was on a work trip. I started feeling like I had a cold the day I was leaving, but I couldn’t cancel the trip. The second day I was there, I couldn’t get through a full sentence without coughing. I as