Girl Gone Smart: Stop saying "...but not all men..."


Photo: AlexanderHiggens.com

*Trigger & Language Warning*


A few years ago I left a toxic job very abruptly. To say I had a bad day was an understatement.


I had started talking to a guy very recently and when he texted to ask about my day, I told him. He then offered to take me out to get my mind off of it.


He seemed very sweet and kind , so I accepted his offer to pick me up and take me to my favorite bar where I could have some drinks and play some darts.


After a few hours, and a few drinks, he asked if I wanted to go back to his place and watch a movie as he had a pretty long day too. I very clearly and straight forwardly told him I'd be cool with that, and also that I'd be fine with some cuddling and making out, but nothing beyond that.


He agreed to my boundaries and we headed back to his place.


He put in a movie and we cuddled up to watch it. A little into it he started trying to push my hand down into his crotch. I thought to myself... 'Dude, I know where your fucking dick is, and if I wanted to touch it, I can do it on my own.'


After me pulling away 2 - 3 times, he got pouty, rolled over, and proceeded to go to sleep. I woke him up when the movie ended to drive me home, and boy was that an awkward and silent 20 minute ride.


Was I naïve, bordering on stupid, in this situation? Absolutely. Did that mean I deserved him trying to push me very clearly beyond my set boundaries and get what he wanted. Absolutely not.


Do I think if I wasn't as strong willed as I am he would have been successful in coercing me into something I didn't want to do? Yes.


The sad part is this kind of things happens all the time. This is honestly just one of many, many stories I could tell you.


I've had three guys I can think of off hand, after I've turned down, tell me 'That's fine. I'll just get you drunk and take advantage of you.' When I point out to them they're talking about raping me, THEY get upset and say it's not rape. 'Then what the fuck do you think it is?'


Every woman you know has stories, as in multiple stories, about being assaulted, stalked, harassed, groped, and grabbed. Every single woman.


If the statics are true that one in four college aged woman has been sexually assaulted, it begs the question, who are these predators and rapists? We all know victims, which means you absolutely know sexual predators too. They're your friends and neighbors.


So please stop telling women "not all men." We fucking know not all men, and we also know "every woman." When you identify who the sexual predator is, let me know so I can identify and avoid him.


Start calling other men out on their poor and predatory behavior.


#everywoman #metoo