Yesterday was an odd day because it was the two year anniversary of my Mom's passing. I was reflective, grieving, processing, and felt very loved by my friend who texted me in the morning saying she was thinking of me. She lost her Mom a few years ago too, but even so, it's rare someone besides yourself and family remember the date. I told her I wasn't sure how I wanted to spend the day and up to that point, I didn't really want to think about it at all. She reminded me there is no right or wrong way to get through it.
What made it odd for me is that I found myself thinking as much about my friends who have lost their Moms in the last couple of months as I was about myself.
My heart broke as I read your statuses and though you were not aware, I took bits of your grief and added it to my own in hopes you could breathe for just a few moments. There are so many overwhelming moments during those first few months.
I didn't want to post on social media that it was a 'special' day, or post photos of my Mom in memoriam. This year I needed it to be personal while thinking about where I was a year ago when I wrote A year without my Mom. My life has changed so much in ways I couldn't imagine, and I wonder if these changes are permanent or if I'm 'stuck' in some manner. But I allow myself to take all of it day by day, and I'm hoping my friends will do the same when they are ready.
Today though, I'm feeling restless, anxious and I'm not quite sure why. But I have learned this is a part of it, that grief is forever with pockets of being okay and pockets of not being okay at all.
Today I'm not okay, but there's always tomorrow.